h y p o c r i t i c a l * m e s s

the words in my head don’t always translate to the fuckery that exits from my mouth

picture October 7, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — hypocriticalmess @ 10:39 pm

It’s been awhile and a lot has changed.

For the past 22 months, I have been spending my weekends as a step-mother so to speak. I am not legally married, but after six years, you can call it what you want.

Not getting into too much detail, I have a picture on my desk of myself and great little guy that I call tater tot, captain crazy pants, beans, button… the list could go on. He’s impacted my life to the highest levels that I can’t even begin to imagine. It’s hard for me to put into words what he means to me and what his father has brought into my life. This 3 foot tall, 38 pound curly-headed devious tornado.

This picture was taken about a year ago. The period of time that happened not to long afterwards has really taken a toll on me mentally. Sometimes I look at this picture and cry to let it out. Sometimes, I can talk about it, but then I cry some more because of how much he’s a part of my life.

What prompted me to write this, after glancing at the picture was that I closed my eyes again and relived the moment that I felt lost and beside myself. I can say I haven’t really felt that way before.

About a year ago, on a Sunday tater and I were laying on the couch watching tv before his dad got up. I noticed that he was drooling on me, which was kind of out of the ordinary. I turned and looked at him and his eyes were rolled in the back of his head. At this point I was more confused than panicked, but that was beginning to set in at a very fast pace. As I picked him up he was limp. That’s when the panic set in. I laid him down on the flood and he was kind of foaming at his mouth and shaking uncontrollably. I started screaming for his father. All I heard were echos vibrating off my brain as I stood there staring, crying, walking backwards. His dad came out of the bedroom and I pointed and incoherently manged to get out, “I think he’s having a seizure, what do we do?!”

From those echos of my screaming and panic I called 911. His dad was bent over letting him know everything would be okay as I struggled to relay instructions to him. I kept pleading with the 911 dispatcher to tell them medics to please hurry, as I heard to sirens in the distance. It was the longest 10 minutes of my life.

I felt like I blinked and then I was watching myself interact with the medics answering questions, watching them work on tater and hearing his dad on the phone with his dad and trying to get ahold of tater’s mom.

I couldn’t answer the questions fast enough, so that I could rush to be at his side. They were administering him oxygen and he was coming to. With tears rolling down my face, I just wanted answers to what happened. More than likely it was a seizure, but they wanted to take him to Children’s to be sure. His dad told me to ride with him in the ambulance. I kind of hesitated, as I felt like I let him down because I panicked, but he assured me it would be fine.

We gathered our things and were placed on the gurney. I held him as tight as I could, running my fingers through his hair. He looked so out of it, so groggy. He was moaning too. I thought to myself, he has not a clue what just happened to him. His dad followed behind the ambulance on the long trek throughout the City.

When we arrived, he was quite agitated, yet still groggy. I couldn’t imagine what he was thinking, but all I knew was that I didn’t want to let go of him, but his dad sat in the bed with him until his mom came. When she showed up, that’s when I felt like something was ripped from me, that I had no rights to this wonderful little guy.

We spent the entire Sunday in the hospital. I was physically and emotionally drained, but happy he was okay. He went home with his mom.

Over the next few months he had 5 or so more seizures. They seemed to had been induced by fevers, but the doctor’s weren’t quite sure. Today he is on medicine, which seems to be helping a great deal. His last episode was in February/March.

When I watch him playing, can’t help but think that he has absolutely no idea what he endured. He seems to have gotten over not liking to be touched on his arms and face, but I have never been so aware in my life of another human being. I never thought my heart and soul would grow so much love for this person that knows my face, but barely knows my name. When he sees me and he smiles, it is the best feeling in the world and no matter what, I know, no one can tell me otherwise.

 

one more time November 3, 2008

Filed under: eff you son,visual stimulation,yours only for free 99 — hypocriticalmess @ 7:11 pm
Tags: , ,
umbrella-ella-eh-eh FAIL!

umbrella-ella-eh-eh FAIL!

 this is exactly why umbrellas should be extinct.

(sorry for the blurry picture, i was driving)

 

rant and rave session October 29, 2008

this post will span me the next 4 hours that i am at work.  i have been at work for almost 6 (?) hours and seething through my soul and skin is the absolute disgust i have for this post pardum puberty bull shit and anyone clutching onto their washington state drivers license.

the reason why this post will span the next 4 hours is because i break my hour lunch into random segments. during those segments i check the market (which last time i checked it was tanking again 300 points), gossip, real news and corral some junk food (which mind you has been straight murder death killing my stomach). maybe just maybe i will go to the bathroom or walk the property.

anyways, i am going to go back to working on my accounts payable since i won’t be in my office tomorrow. as i will be shlepping downtown again.

[this break has been brought to you by: your common sense, because if you don’t use it, people like me will exploite your stupidity, which is known to run rampid in non-common sense using situations]

i hate when food makes me calm again. now i need to muster up my anger… agh.

okay, so to get from kent to tukwila in the morning there is various ways i could take. normally i would take this route:

kent-kangley to 116th to 256th to benson to james to west valley highway to 180th to andover park west.

during this seemingly ridicuouls drive off “the hill” i have to dodge the fleet of buses coming out of the bus barn at kent-meridian and various metro routes. not to mention the occasional jaywalker. anyways, my point about this whole trip is the james to west valley portion. south king county drivers, i fuck you not. i am NOT playing when it comes to this area. it is bad enough i need to ream a new one to sound mother fucking transit for putting down those train cross signs for 5-7 extra minutes when the sounder is loading passengers. why do i need to wait why they are boarding?!? unless another train is coming, please, i beg of you LET. ME. GET. TO. FUCKING. WORK. with all that unnecessary waiting i could have made it down to west valley highway and spead down that lovely new paved stretch of heaven.

speaking of that lovely new paved stretch of heaven…

headed north on west valley means that at the corner (after the dinosaur rocks place or whatever it is called) it goes from 30 to 50. if you are me, at the intersection of james and west valley that means it is 50. whatever floats your boat, but mother fuck.

one week later….

i originally wrote that on 10/22. i was pissed off, a lease document was taking it’s snails ass of a pace to chicago, i was in the midst of completing 2 budget binders…

…now it’s 10/29. all my worries have been resolved and now i am in the midst of completing 6 budget binders.

i am no longer mad, but about to get lunch with my bossy boss.

a calm shannon should spark fear in your hearts, because you know someshit is about to go down.

 

quizote of the dizzle October 15, 2008

Filed under: triple f the fun — hypocriticalmess @ 8:13 pm
Tags: , , ,

while in the midst of making 2 budget binders due on friday (8 total overall)
(oh please believe i will have one to show you all wondering why i am a hermit).

i came across this article, which provided some classic quotes:

“He was explaining to his son what a squeeze bunt was. Commercial break, the ad comes on, and the kid asks, `Dad, what does porno mean?”‘ Rawitch said. [side note: yessss cause you know that later on in life that kid will remember this moment and add the definition for squeeze bunt to urban dictionary

Last quote:

“If they want to call the movie `Zack and Miri,’ that’s fine, but Zack and Miri cannot make a porno on my bus shelters,” Cutler said. [side note: ummm… i used to not have a car, bus shelters were the kickin it spot… you know what is offense at a bus shelter?! having a guy jack off in front of you while wearing nothing but a trench coat. TRUE STORY! it happened to me at 2nd Ave Extention and S. Jackson… want to know what’s more offensive? this site is… no porn though.]

aghhhh. back to cutting out tenant names and sticking them on floor plans.

ps. porn is great.

 

If your black and you know it clap your hands… October 13, 2008

Filed under: marterialistic greed,morning fuckery — hypocriticalmess @ 3:34 pm
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This weekend I finally had enough time and no scheduling conflicts to visit my sister up in bellingham. I hadn’t been up there since the last part of June before I moved and before she and I went home for a well deserved summer break.

We were catching up on TV and I saw that the Real Housewives of Atlanta was coming on. My roommate told me how ridic(ulous) the women on there were. My sister only echoed the sentiment. So I took a look for myself.

For a former “let’s make unnecessary drama” participant, I was welcomed back home with 5 “housewives” that had too much money and very little of the housewives title. However did the bring, as Perez would say, the “dramz”. Here’s the formula for the pilot episode:

$$$$$$$$ + black – housewife * servants = those idiots racist people that are fucking up the election (oh don’t deny you haven’t heard about it…)

Oh. You don’t think this ties together, eh?

Wait wait. Here is another formula: $$$$$$$ + blacks^ignorance = race wars or we can do better.

That show is the blatant definition of why so many people ( I could have said white people but I didn’t because there are some black people that think this and by some I mean me) think when they watch Housewives think, “oh so that is what happens when blacks get money”. Although it isn’t any different than everyone else, why did it seem so bad when I watched it? Am I over looking something?

Perception sucks but got damnit. Act like you are doing something with yours. It isn’t a bad thing that you would want to donate it or give back to a struggling community. Hell. Because really this is what people think when all is blacks get money.

Please view visit jibjab so that you can see why this is a problem… *sigh*

Clickty clackety clack clack!

 

ignorance

As much as I would like to think that part of a humans thinking comes and goes. It isn’t quite that simple. It isn’t something that happens by hitting your head on the ground or whatever. Ignorance is like a plague that has run ramped in so many of you idiots that we can’t keep track.

Now, I can compare ignorance and common sense as an aquired attribute. But I want to give the common sense folks some credit, since common sense is a good attribute. But let me get back to ignorance.

Ignorance is bliss.
You want to know why that is oh so very true? Because of how much of a dumb ass you are when you are being an ignorant idiot.
Example:
Redneck hillbillies at McCain rallies calling Obama a terrorist.

REALLY?!

Are you so sheltered to think that this family man is going to have the country bombed or something of that nature? It makes me so mad that to think that there are people that haven’t evolved. It is 2008 for god sake! You can’t be trapped in this all white snow globe world you want to live in. It doesn’t work that way. Change is something that happens everyday. You can’t deny or stop it. Hell change happens to your hillbilly ass everyday as well.

You want to know who else is ignorant? You “former democrats”. You all are just racist. Saying that you “just don’t know about Obama” or some other wild ass bullshit is beyond me. Tell me the fucking truth. I want reasoning to why you aren’t able to vote for Obama! I am all about honesty and I just can’t understand what is going on.

It isn’t just white white white anymore. There are many more of us out there. Accept it. Believe in the change. Want to change. Because if you don’t, being stuck in your old ways will hurt more than you think.

 

another under the sea moment… September 19, 2008

Filed under: morning fuckery — hypocriticalmess @ 3:04 pm
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this totally reminded me of my sister as her indepth hate for things swimming continues…